Letter from a Former President Concerning the Mother’s Day 5k Run

People of the Greater Denver Area:

5k run

Woodrow Wilson – He Presidented Before

I’m here to tell you why you should sign up for the Mother’s Day 5K Run, and put the ‘run’ in your brunch, as the kids say these days. You see, on May 11, it will have been 100 years and two days since I, Woodrow Wilson, proclaimed the second Sunday of May to be a day to honor mothers across the country.

Well, a lot has changed since the days of the Woody Administration, as the talking heads used to call it. For instance, I see that President Beck is dealing quite courageously with civilization’s impending doom, as the Good Lord above hurls giant balls of ice mercilessly at our planet, in line with the wisdom of his plan.

Mother’s Day 5K Run

So I say unto thee: Run! Run for your lives! Run for your mothers! Denver’s Mother’s Day 5k is May 11, 2014, at 9 a.m. in City Park. Spots are limited, so follow this hyperlink supplied to me by Thomas Marshall to  register for the Mother’s Day 5K run.

This run is in support of the HERA foundation, who have been fighting for a cure to ovarian cancer since 2002.  Also…

SFoM Is Rocking The Course

Which sounds like a lot of nonsense to me, considering that I’m Woodrow Freaking Wilson and I don’t know what an SFoM is, but Thomas Marshall, who’s been watching the MTV’s, tells me that SFoM is the best thing to happen to music since Edison’s Gramophone and Tesla’s alternating current.

So do something this mother’s day. Wake up, go for a run in Denver for a good cause, hear some music, and have fun with your mothers! How long will it take you and your mom to run 5 km anyway? I don’t know what a km is! I’m Woodrow Wilson! Metric system! Dear me…
Long live Mom!


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