For Immediate Release
SFoM forges the One Ring from the fire of 1,000 broken Louisville Sluggers / Amplification Provided by Barad Dur / Colorado Rockies Face Arizona Diamondbacks at 6:40 p.m. MDT
DOWNTOWN DENVER, June 3, 2014 – The state of Colorado’s worst fears have been confirmed. SFoM rears its mighty head for a rare daytime concert appearance at an exclusive event in a Coors Field parking lot. The Mustached Man is expected to beef up the presence of thought police in the area, should the good music and vibes waft beyond the confines of the parking lot. He reminds us that it’s still illegal to boogie-woogie.
Meteorologists anticipate an exciting show in the weather during the event. If you’re outdoors near Coors Field parking lot B around 5 pm, they say the sky will be filled with fire, brimstone, and massive bald eagles, who will swoop down to capture SUV’s to feed to their young. Be sure to wear sunblock that’s at least SPF 30, and eagleblock with an EPF of 1.61803398875.
I must now conclude this press release, and I fear it will be my last, as my ship is being tossed violently by a tide unlike any I have ever seen in the Great Arvada Sea. Any port in a storm, alas, no port can withstand this gale. I take with me to Davy Jones the coordinates of Cap’n Bill’s treasure! Y’arrgh har HAR! 15 men on a dead man’s chest! May your harvests of tobacco ever be shrinking, ye scalliwags!